Misc Kid Updates, PPS Testimony, and the Healing Power of the CliftonStrengths
It has been a long time since I did a “word-vomit” post - I’ve been intentionally trying to get away from them - but it used to be a way to clear out mental clutter, and I need to do something of that right now.
Misc Kid Updates
I meant to post P.S. News Notes for July, but I only took one note, and I don’t want to not share it! Here was what I had written for 12 July - Tuesday: Zelie demonstrated for me that she can drink out of an open cup. Normally when there is an open cup with water in it sitting on the table, she starts to play with it (and still did, later in the day), but this morning I caught her drinking out of an open cup with no problem. Guess that means she’s ready to transition… !!!
She is still 50/50 on play/drink, so I can’t leave her unsupervised with an open cup of water, but she’s pretty good at drinking! she just can’t resist the impulse to play with it still, specifically wanting to put cereal and pieces of bread/pancake into the water. Physics? I guess?
PPS Testimony
I joined the Positive Parenting Solutions Inner Circle about a month ago for greater accountability, and here’s what I posted for Friday’s celebration post: Celebrating more consistency with Calm Voice and Asked & Answered this week, especially taking the time to pause and think through what Answer I really want to give, making sure it is specific/detailed enough. Tried something new with MBST - as I approach third trimester with our 4th, my capacity to be very involved in games which require sitting on the floor or being on my hands and knees has diminished significantly; and I'm also trying sort of a long-term version of Attention Overload, acknowledging that all of the kids, especially the current youngest, will, inasmuch as they will love the new baby, feel the weight of having to make room for another and get used to Mommy babywearing 70% of the time again, so I'm doing sit-on-Mommy's-lap-and-talk-about-anything-you-want time. 5yo and I had quite a lovely conversation about how airplanes and rockets work and about the existence and function of the atmosphere, and also cleared up a misconception that the boost power on a rocket is not for blasting asteroids. 21mo-old has been super clingy (normally can engage in independent/group play for up to two hours at a time), and her vocab has been growing exponentially (both vocally and signing), so we've been "chatting" as best as one can with a 21mo-old. Also had the opportunity to make a meaningful apology to my 5yo tonight; I had promised to make macaroni and cheese as one of the options for dinner, and I forgot. If I had dismissed 5yo's feelings and insisted that it would be okay because it was the same thing as last Friday and he ate a lot last Friday, I'm sure he would've refused to eat and it would've been a terrible bedtime. As it was, I acknowledged that I had used the words, "I promise," and I apologized for letting him down and asked his forgiveness. He teared up, but he gave me a hug and said he forgave me, and he ate more than either of his siblings (not typical; he technically does not fit the definition of either a picky or problem eater; but he is currently the pickiest out of all the kids). Been seeing some regression with 4yo which I'm sure is related to approaching new baby, accepting that she wants to currently be guided through her morning routine rather than taking ownership, and trying to treat that as some portion of her MBST where normally she would be more independent.
I wanted to share that here as a reminder-to-self, but also a snippet of a testimony, that what I really appreciate about PPS is never feeling completely helpless as a parent. Overwhelmed, yes, especially knowing how much I contribute to power struggles with my kids - mostly due to lack of emotional regulation and also sins of omission - but never helpless. Never I have no idea how to even begin to approach this problem. Not only is the PPS Toolbox so thorough, but the insight into child psychology and development is priceless. The combination of the PPS Toolbox and the Interior Kingdom is, I believe, a powerhouse for the Catholic parent.
Healing with CliftonStrengths
I’m currently gearing up to join Cohort 22 with the hope/intention of becoming a Certified Accompaniment Coach through the Human Formation Coalition, and I was telling hubby recently how healing it is to be reading the Catholic Edition of Living Your Strengths. Working as a Mission Partner for The Dynamic Catholic Institute was a deeply-scarring experience. I couldn’t then articulate exactly why that was so painful, but now I understand that it had everything to do with my top Strengths.
My #1 Strength is Input. Pertinent - and accurate - excerpts from the details of that Strength: “It’s very likely that you automatically ask individuals questions to discover their talents, interests, hopes, fears, successes, or failures. By being inquisitive, you begin to see each person as he or she really is. The insights you have are most valuable when there is a job to do. You are apt to be the one to whom others look for ideas about assignments to give each individual. You are likely to understand what is and is not a reasonable expectation to place on someone.”
My #4 Strength is Individualization: “Chances are good that you easily identify with what others are thinking and feeling. You intuitively understand their hopes, fears, joys, and sorrows. This helps you consider things from each individual’s perspective. […] Because of your strengths, you can stand in another person’s place and view what is going on from his or her unique perspective. You have an ability to become well-acquainted with individuals. This magnifies your capacity to feel their joys and sorrows as well as their successes and failures. By nature, you are keenly aware of people’s unique traits. You notice characteristics that distinguish each person from everyone else.”
My #5 Strength is Relator: “It’s very likely that you are someone to whom others turn for an honest perspective about a project, person, event, or idea. They trust you will share your viewpoints.”
#6, Activator: “You are a catalyst. You naturally know how to turn ideas into action, and you make things happen. Your energy can be contagious and engaging.”
#7, Deliberative: “You are thorough and conscientious. Through your natural anticipation and careful thought process, you know how to reduce risks and prevent problems from arising.”
#8, Responsibility: “You have a deep sense of dedication and feel ownership for your commitments. You are a person of your word, and others know they can rely on and trust you.”
#9, Intellection: “You love to think, muse and reflect. Your powerful mental processing and intellectual activity empower you to clarify and explain, regardless of the topic or situation.”
#10, Connectedness: “You help others find meaning by looking at the bigger picture of the world around them, and you give them a sense of comfort and stability in the face of uncertainty.”
I could go on through my full Strengths profile, but right in my Top 10, being a Mission Partner for Dynamic Catholic challenged my Strengths in a bad way - that is, by prohibiting my use of them. I loved to take the time to really get to know people over the phone; but I was told not to take so long with them. I took that time because I wanted to ask the right kinds of questions to really understand their struggles; but I was told to find the quickest opening to recommending whatever book we were supposed to be promoting at that time (some of them heretical). Once I understood a person’s struggles, I wanted to recommend a resource which truly spoke to their specific struggle; but I was forbidden from recommending resources outside of our catalogue. I felt deeply responsible for giving sound advice; but doing so - the actual act of giving advice which was specific to the individual and their journey - put my entire job at risk.
At the time, my parents felt that my decision to resign was abrupt and reckless. It was true that I had not been very open with them in trying to process the build-up to the decision, and I can understand in retrospect how they came to that conclusion; but I realize now that I also did not have the language to explain why being an MP was not a good fit for me.
The Introduction to Living Your Strengths declares:
American churches are experiencing a power shortage. It’s not the kind of problem that can be fixed by opening natural gas fields or drilling oil wells or building electrical plants. The shortage is in fulfilled human potential. In churches all across the United States, people aren’t harnessing the power of their innate gifts. They are not fulfilling God’s purpose in their lives. And most people don’t even know it. A recent national study by Gallup uncovered the roots of this problem. It is revealed that most people (53%) do not strongly agree with the statement “In my parish, I regularly have the opportunity to do what I do best.” Clearly, too many individuals’ talents and strengths are going unrecognized and unappreciated. And this adds up to an enormous loss of human potential that could be tapped for the transformation of society. We need a revolution in our parishes - a strengths revolution.
What’s fascinating is that Matthew Kelly uses similar language in The Four Signs of a Dynamic Catholic. The approach, however, as demonstrated by his actual organization [at the time that I was an MP there in ‘16 and ‘17], was a cookie-cutter approach, both towards individuals and parishes. The goal of Dynamic Catholic was to get into every parish in America and become a household name - but in so doing, dismissed the reality that the best way to serve the parish and the individual is to care about the specific, unique details of that parish or individual. The assumption at DCI [at the time that I was working there] was that what’s wrong with everybody is that they are not reading Matthew Kelly’s books; and what’s wrong with every parish is that they are not participating in the DCI Book Program. Matthew Kelly’s books were not presented by DCI as a launchpad into higher reading; rather, they’re intended to be THE indefinitely-ongoing fare once a person is hooked. Even their bringing old classics into their catalogue, such as Abandonment to Divine Providence, was a cleverly-positioned ploy; there had to be an introduction or forward by Kelly, indicating to the hooked consumer that Kelly’s stamp of approval was THE measure whether or not it was worth diving into any spiritual work by any other author.
At the time that I was working there, there was a deep disrespect/distrust towards any priest who was not inclined to buy into DCI’s programming, and parishioners were encouraged to find ways to circumvent their pastors. Pastors aren’t infallible, sure, but if the goal is to build up the Church, that kind of attitude towards the clergy only makes things worse in the grand scheme of things.
Well, maybe they’ve changed internally by now, who knows. One can hope, for the sake of many souls.
At any rate - given my Strengths, being empowered to better serve individuals with a careful attention to their God-given uniqueness is a deeply healing experience for me. PPS and the Interior Kingdom are also helping in that regard, as I come to understand that most spiritual immaturity begins with a lack of emotional regulation, and a lack of understanding as to what both constitutes and triggers dysregulation.
Welp - thanks for entertaining my word vomit for today =) Hoping my kids will read this in years to come and better understand Mommy.
